Ever been at that place in life, when everything looks dark and glum? When something amazing has ended and you are left standing with questions that begin with the word ”Why?” You begin that cycle of confusion, then denial, then sadness, then anger and then apathy….only to start the cycle of emotions over again, until you can catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel; a sighting that this is all for a greater purpose. Depending on the person or the circumstance, one can go through this cycle at mach speed or for others of us it can linger for months and sometimes years. When change takes place we are thrust into asking ourselves the difficult questions “Who was I?”, “Who am 1?” and Who will I become when the dust settles?”
Over the last few months, I have seen friends and loved ones go through this process because of death, the ending of a significant relationship, betrayal or in my case the school I have taught at closed after working there for 11 years. This sent me spinning. After all these years, after all this time thinking I knew who I was and what I was called to do—-it just came to a halt. This wasn’t just a job. It was my passion; my purpose and my soul. Now, it wasn’t all so humble because it was also something I had become good at. I was living my dream and I knew it was blessed by God, so why would it ever end? Why should there ever be change? It was working.
I honestly have never been in a more confused state of mind, emotion and heart then the last 8 months of my life. I so badly wanted to blame the politics of institutions, the economy, individual people that are the “decision-makers”. There were days that I couldn’t imagine a future better than what I’ve already been blessed to experience and those were the dark days thinking that my best was in my past. Then there were the days that supernatural and divine forces of the Spirit took over and it was almost as if I were floating on clouds with the confidence that I was on the verge of being lead into something far greater, far bigger and far more more amazing than my human, frail mind could even imagine.Thank God He goes beyond my imagination, beyond the concrete, limited boundaries of my mind, because what was about to take place—the path that I was being led down—the events that would unfold over the last few months have brought me to a place beyond my wildest dreams.
I have been studying the book of Esther in the Bible with a group of amazing women. In this study the phrase “reversal of destiny” kept coming into play. The people of this book of the Bible would find their lives going down one path, one direction (either grand or desolate) to have one simple, yet pivotal moment in time reverse all of it…..and each time there was evidence of this reversal of destiny, astounding things happened.
I had resigned at one point that I will accept whatever comes my way in the form of a job, a boss and co-workers. I figured I would just “get along” with life and that this would just always feel like Plan B. Oh my gosh!!! Did my Lord have something way different in mind? Yes He did! After going through the process and being hired for a job (not a teaching job) I remember the day I was driving home after only being 1 week into my new adventure and it hit me….like a TON of bricks….this isn’t Plan B for my life. This is just Plan A continued…..
I used to pray that God would show me the path he wanted me to take. If there was any response from Him at all, I might have heard some laughter. Now, as I look back, I see tracks that looked at the time like disaster ahead, but God needed to get me looking at things from a different point of view. Plan A can take some strange side trips, but the journey makes it fun!
It seems the more me think we understand, the following things get heavier, harder, bigger. This is only to increase our strenght wisdom endurance understanding and learn to depend on God. He is our all in all, forever and ever.